Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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