i just sent this text using only my big toe
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
