To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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