she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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