I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
