He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
