I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize