Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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