Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
