My nipple is on Facebook.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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