I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
