I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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