i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
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May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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