I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
