So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
