My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
