So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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