OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
