My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
