Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
