you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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