Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
