Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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