I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
