I CAN MOONWALK!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
