Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
