All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
