if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize