He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
be right there i have to get my cape
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
