I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
