I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
