I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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