If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
