I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
