That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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