there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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