i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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