Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BRING THE BAGELS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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