the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
