We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
