what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
