How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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