I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize