I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
