fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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