In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
