Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can you bring me the toilet please
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
