almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
