i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm always down for nudity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
