If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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