did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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