would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
