Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
