I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
