Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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