I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
