I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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