I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
