HIV tests are more positive than that guy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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