guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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