then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
