He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My vagina just clenched in fear
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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