dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
