I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
