3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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