I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
