People in love make me want to vomit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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