"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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