i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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