If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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