So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
