just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
