i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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