Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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