"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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